Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
