guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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