Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
