the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
