plz talk dirty to me
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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