i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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