dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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