She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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