I want to stick my p in your. b.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
