I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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