oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
