you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
