Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
