Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
