That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
