Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
