why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
