i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
