So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
