i think my mom watched the whole time
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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