peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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