You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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