Too much gin, very little bucket
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
MIDGETS
????
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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