Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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