I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
