Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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