I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
