it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
