i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I don't deserve a penis
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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