8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
