I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
