now i know why i became what i already was.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
