My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
As shirtless as possible
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
