Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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