well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
