turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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