I smell stomach acid.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
