I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
