My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
