it hurts more in the daytime
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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