You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
