i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
