you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
