we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
