White coat. Heels.
So drunk its hurt
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
