Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
