Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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