what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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