You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
