Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's rum buckets o'clock
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
