I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
